It has been 4 months since I have worked. I was getting really angry with God. I didn't understand why I had to continue going through this. I mean, seriously, what is the deal? I look around and it seems as if everyone in my church family is suffering, too, in some form or another. Why? I just don't understand. We love you Jesus. Please help me to understand. Please open my eyes. Take away my anger and frustration. Take away my feelings of hurt and pain. Show me, Lord, how we are going to make it through this difficult time. You KNOW that we need my income to make ends meet. You know that I am broken. Not just financially, but emotionally.
THEN IT HIT ME!
I was reading updates from friends online and came upon a link to one of my favorite people. She was having a live Ustream tonight. So, to fill in the time before it started, I started watching her last one from August 2009. So many things touched my heart. But the biggest is the scripture passage that she spoke on:
6And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
the word "reward" in greek means "pays wages"
the word "earnestly" means "not distracted by anything unrelated to the goal; purposeful; devout"
How could I have forgotten one of my favorite scriptures? :
Jeremiah 29:11 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
He gives me HOPE. He gives me a FUTURE. He has plans to PROSPER me and NOT to HARM me! I have FAITH and seek HIM earnestly. . . so why do I allow my situation to dictate my emotions and reactions?
Because I needed to be reminded. Reminded that HE loves me. Reminded that He has plans for me and that he will prosper me. And my church family, too.
When I stopped to think about it: He HAS sustained me through all of this. He HAS shown me how BLESSED I am and given me the luxury of spending more time with my family. More time with my child, which was something that I had prayed earnestly about.
Thank you Lord. For my circumstances. For my life. For my family. For my church family. For my home. For my food. For the freedom to worship you freely and share you freely with others!
I will now wait, as patiently as I know how, to hear from you on what is next.