So many of us make New Year's resolutions, but this year I chose not to do that. I decided that I want to work toward having a closer relationship with Christ and becoming a better mom and wife. The mom and wife that God created me to be. Funny thing is, I figured that would entail me reading my Bible more and spending more time with my son, sharing the Bible together.
However, I guess that God is also allowing other things to transpire for that to occur, because today I went to see the OB/GYN about scheduling a Hysterectomy, due to all of the problems I've had over the past 8+ years and that have recently started up again. Well, the Dr. did an exam and ultrasounds and found that my uterus is enlarged (the size of someone's that would be 3-4 months pregnant) and there is a large mass. He said that I must have a Hysteroscopy and D&C so that it can be sent to pathology to check for cancer, before he will schedule a Hysterectomy.
My son had to go with me, because of the weather delay for his school opening. So, we stopped for lunch on the way back to take him to school. After we left the Dr's office, I wanted to scream and cry, but I didn't want him to see me upset. He could tell that I was upset, but knows that God will take care of me. He just looked at me and said, "Well, it's always something." I told him that God would take care of me and he said that he knows. Then, we both laughed.
I have faith that everything will work out. And I believe that God has far more work to do through me, before it is my time to go home.
Unfortunately, this will put even more strain on our finances, yet again. We almost lost our home a little over a year ago because of medical bills. I have been out on medical leave since November 2011 and we have been struggling ever since. If my husband would not have taken a loan against his 401K, we wouldn't have had enough to pay our bills AND have food.
Now, we are going through it once more. With our insurance payment each month, almost double what it was last year AND I have to have $1200 when I walk in the hospital door on Friday morning. Not real sure where that will come from, but I know that God will provide. He always does. My husband's truck has been acting up and my van has too. But we don't have enough money coming in right now to have any kind of car payment. We are literally down to the bare bones. We've paid off most of our debt and don't have any credit cards. But it is everything we have to pay the mortgage and bills that we DO have and put food on the table.
It just seems neverending.
We are putting the house up for sale in the Spring/Summer. Praying that we will be able to make enough to buy a piece of land and build a small 800-1000 sq. ft home OURSELVES, with the physical help of anyone that wants to help build it. We've even talked about making a home out of a small shed or a couple of shipping cargo trailers or a cob home or a pallet home. Our hope is to downsize EXTREMELY, so that we can live a more simple life and do more of God's work by having more time freed up and less money required to pay out.
But I can't help but think about so many of my childhood friends, local friends, and various acquaintances that have gone through or are currently going through something similar or worse, and do not have close family or good friends to be by their side while they go through it. OR, more importantly, do not really know JESUS, so they don't have real HOPE!! I try to keep up on Facebook with what others post and my heart breaks for so many of them. I know that God watches over all of us and that there is nothing that occurs in our lives that HE does not know about. Yet, I still feel sad for them and want them to see GOD in the midst of their current situation. I pray that they would be encouraged and feel the peace of our Heavenly Father surrounding them in their situation. For only HE can give us REAL peace, when we surrender all of our fears to HIM.
Thankfully, regardless of our current situations, there is HOPE. HOPE in the Heavenly Father. HOPE in the blessed assurance I have that I am HIS. HOPE that no matter what, that EVERYTHING that happens in my life, HE will use for a greater good!
I AM A CHILD OF THE ONE TRUE GOD & I WILL PRAISE HIM ALWAYS!
MAY HIS PEACE BE WITH YOU!!!